BEING A SINGLE PARENT

A single parent is a person that lives with a child or children and does not have a spouse or live in partner. I became a single parent when my daughter was just over one year old. Her father and I split and it was not on good terms. Apart from dealing with the loss of a eight year relationship, I was dealing with adjusting to taking care of a toddler on my own.
Research shows that single parent families are becoming even more common than the nuclear family. I could not believe that I ended up in this category. I grew up in a nuclear family with my mom and dad and siblings always being there, so this was such a foreign concept to me. This was the most difficult adjustment I ever had to make in life.
From having someone to consult with on every decision about her and our life, I was left on my own for 99% of the time to make these decisions. From having someone to talk to about her and everything else everynight I went to having someone to consult once or twice a week.
It was not only me that had to adjust, but she had to as well. For months night after night she would cry and cry for no apparent reason. She was accustomed to her dad being there everynight and putting her to bed with me. Now she had to get used to seeing him once or twice a week. She could not explain that she was hurting but her actions showed that she was. This was the hardest part of it for me, it hurt me seeing her hurt like that.
Our life was very different after the split. I was pursuing my degree at the time and out of the house  from 5:30am to about 5pm Monday to Friday. Not to mention the fact that I was going through a period of depression. I did not have someone to juggle all the responsibilities with, I had to figure out how to do it all on my own. I had my parents though and they were both retired at the time and at home so they would look after her for me. I thanked God I had them everyday. My siblings were really helpful as well. Her dad was of little help. He probably came over maybe once a week, twice for the most and spend one hour with her. Maybe once every few months he would take her for half a day. During these times I was so tired and frustrated at times, but we got through it.
That was not the only issues we had. Finances was now a major issue because one salary had to be split between two homes, ours and his. Our way of living had to be changed. We had to make cut backs and deal with the necessities first. We made it through this as well. It was not easy but it was not impossible.
Family time is always important for a child. My daughter's dad and I did not have a good break up, so we probably went out as a family twice after we broke up. She missed out on a lot because we could not seem to get it together enough for her not to be affected. Eventually after time we did though and every now and again he would come over and have dinner with us or just hang out. He still did not feign an interest in her life as he should have. He rarely ever ask about her or if she needed anything or how any aspect of her life was going. I believe that he thought that providing for her financially and showing up unannouced every so often to see her was good enough. I always tried to make up for his absence and shield her but it was not always easy and did not always work.
When we finally did figure out how to coparent, he just showed up one day and told her that he was migrating to another country. This was a year ago, so she went from seeing him to not seeing him at all. He has not been back for a visit yet. She speaks to him on the phone but you can see how much it hurts her. He keeps telling her that he will be home soon to see her, I keep hoping this happens soon so that she can stop being so hurt and disappointed. He still makes sure that he financially helps with her though.
I am finished with my studies, so I have more time with her at home. My dad passed away and my mom is still greving so I don't have as much help as I did before. This also shook my daughter because he was the constant male figure that was in her life on a daily basis. I thank God daily that I now have more time to spend with her and juggle our life. I am a single parent for almost three years now and it was hard. I can only imagine how hard it has been on those who have been single parents for longer. It has not affected me alone but her also, I can see that she has emotional problems and I hope that when she gets older she willl be able to deal with them.
 I will not be a single parent for much loinget though. We will be living with my significant other soon and I will have someone to help me with the decisons about our life. The fact that he and my daughter has such a great relationship makes the decision of us becoming a family that much easier. She loves him and he loves her like if she was biologically his. The door will always be open for her dad to have whatever type of relationship that he wants with her as long as it is not harming her.
Many times I felt like giving up over the last few years. The hardest part for me was seeing how she was affected. But as Stephanie Prescourt says, "There will be so many times you feel like you failed. But in the eyes, ears and mind of your child you are a super mom." Always remember that when you doubt yourself. If you are a single mom or dad or parent to a child or children just do your best for them. As tough as it gets don't give up. One day it will get better and once you put your best efforts in being a parent you will 'kill' at being a single parent.